A Whole New Day

Eating Well is a Weighty Issue

I Wish I were as Resistant to Fat as I am Change

on December 14, 2011

I am not simply trying to lose weight. I am trying to change a lifetime of horrible ingrained dietary teachings.

I love food. Not only that – I love ALL food. I would be just as happy with escargot as I would a burger from NuWay.  I love chili dogs and sushi. I like reading about food, eating food, watching food tv, and cooking food. I have always dreamt of taking a BBQ tour of the south and a food tour of Asia.

To me it is a comforting, delicious, sensual, delightful, friendly thing.

That is making my ass huge.

I keep reminding myself that eating healthily doesn’t mean I will never have a burger again. it also doesn’t mean that the food I will be eating won’t be delicious.

It means that I won’t eat a burger every day or that my idea of burger may change over time.

Hopefully there will even come a time when McDonalds sounds disgusting instead of delicious.

But I have this sense of resistance and almost grief about the whole thing as well as a tiny bit of excitement to see how far and how long I can go. To see improvements and see what jean size I am in, and how great I feel, this time next year.

And then again I am afraid of failure and change. And frankly, I have gotten so used to being sick that I am not real sure how not to be the sick girl. It has kind of been my shield. Maybe that sounds ridiculous but it is the truth. Like if I am no longer sick I will have a whole new bar that I need to reach and I am afraid of failing to reach it.

I guess I have a lot of crap to sort through – LOL.


One response to “I Wish I were as Resistant to Fat as I am Change

  1. Angelyn says:

    What wonderful awarenesses you are reaching — about and for — yourself.

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